Microsoft word - merseydoc

Merseydoc

Directed by

Dewi Humphreys

Episode Overview

Episode 1 – The Phantom Penis
Episode 2 – Attack of the Boners
Episode 3 – Revenge of the Spliff
Episode 4 – A New Pope
Episode 5 – The Camp Liar Strikes Back
Episode 6 – Return of the Goody
Episode 1 – A documentary crew have come to Merseydoc, and within two
minutes they have had most of their equipment stolen by the local “scally
bastards.” It is a vain attempt by Les to get some good publicity after the recent
allegations of his antics with a young Taiwanese ladyboy. However, nothing is
going to run smoothly. Between the ditzy Sasha getting duped into a bit of phone
sex and Charlie and her goons attempting to deliver the baby of a woman who is
clearly not pregnant, no one is going to end up looking good, least of all Sue who
is tricked into inviting her father for a spot of felching…
Episode 2 – Team building. All staff are miserable…as ever. Charlie comes in and
happily explains that he has organised a team building activity at Thuxton
Manor. After accidentally killing an old lady with a gatepost, Eddie (who is
convinced he is Mr T) remains more than optimistic about the Valentine’s
weekend away. Harry hopes this might finally be the night he can have time
alone with Sasha, but unfortunately she is banned from the premises after being
mistaken for a prostitute. Meanwhile, Sue is slipped a couple of sexual
stimulation pills, and ends up humping anything in sight. When Harry gets Sasha
alone, a dodgy curry thwarts his plans once more, as he ends up naked and stuck
in her toilet. Back at Merseydoc, Graham is convinced he has won the lottery. It’s
just a shame it’s the wrong week…

Episode 3 – Flog It! comes to Crossley. Complete with David Dickinson. The
Merseydoc centre is base for this momentous event due to it being the only public
venue in Huyton that still has doors. They share the waiting room with the
patients and meet an array of punters most of whom are out of breath and asking
how much they ‘can get for this car radio and sat nav?’ Meanwhile Harry
becomes unable to breathe and is triaged to care within 24 hours by Sandra and
told to take a seat, where he reads a copy of Hello – the Charles and Diana
wedding edition. The local hypochondriac Irish nun is sure she has Landry
Guillain Barre syndrome…
Episode 4 – The local hypochondriac nun, the bane of the medical centre’s lives,
finally kicks the holy bucket. When she doesn’t turn up one day, the doctors are
convinced there must be something wrong. After a visit to a party loving funeral
directors (‘for a lady of the cloth there’s not much there’), it is time for the funeral
which Harry misses due to a hostage stand off with an angry pit-bull. It is
however attended by many people of the cloth…along with a long line of
lovers…a whole lot of colleagues from the local lap dancing club… Peter
Stringfellow… and many more dark secrets from her past. All is well until a
church candle is knocked into the open casket. Meanwhile back on a home visit,
Graham is keen to have his photo taken with a dying celebrity… Ali is working
for the Samaritans and unfortunately everyone kills themselves as they mishear
him.
Episode 5 – Colleen’s leaving party. Will Harry finally get his girl? Will Dr Lichit
get there first? Will everyone be too pissed to care? Will Cameron finally get his
revenge on the homophobic Graham with nothing a camera phone, two
Rohypnols and a Viagra? Will the Spice Girl tribute band get any of the words
right? Will Sue really believe that the full Monty is an Irish jig? And will life be the
same once Colleen is dead?
Episode 6 – Renewal date for the contract is close at hand, and the Merseydoc
centre looks like shit. A quick coat of paint later, Merseydoc still looks like shit,
but with more paint. The ‘new look’ centre is unveiled on a fundraising event in a
vain attempt to gain public support. They are helped out by none other than top
showbiz celebrity, Jade Goody, who after consuming a large amount of the free
Cava, entreats the crowd to believe she is ‘not a minger’ before falling drunkenly
through the ribbon and pulling off the new plaque. Two hours later, during a
game of spin the bottle she finds herself naked except for her knickers. ‘I can’t
believe I’m doing this again…’

Source: http://www.dgproductions.co.uk/images/pdf/MERSEYDOC.pdf

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